This is a follow-up to my previous post, The Past Doesn’t Exist. In that post, we talked about how constantly ruminating about negative past events can be a source of anxiety and depression and how it can serve as a hindrance to us living the life we truly desire, when all we really have in life is now; the immediate and present moment. Our past does not exist in our present moment, it is only a memory – gone forever. But, what about those lingering emotions, like guilt, regret or embarrassment, that tend to swell up within us during the times we allow such poor memories to take over our thoughts?
The amount of time spent thinking about something negative from the past (i.e. things that we may have done that we wish we hadn’t or, maybe, things that happened to us that were beyond our control) can directly affect our current emotional wellbeing. In other words, the regretful memories from our past, or the painful moments of embarrassment that we find ourselves dwelling on can be harmful to our health. I think most people find themselves struggling with, and spending way too much time, mulling over these types of thoughts and memories; much more than they really should…myself included.
For whatever reason, we tend to be “not so nice” to ourselves when it comes to our internal dialogue and thoughts. We find ways to bring ourselves down, sometimes even in the midst of an otherwise positive and enjoyable mood. In these moments, we mentally beat ourselves up, repeatedly, over something that may have taken place days, months, years or even decades ago. These negative thoughts and memories could be anything from feeling like we made a fool of ourselves in public, to allowing ourselves to get talked into doing something we knew we shouldn’t, to hurting another person (physically or emotionally), or any number of other things. We tend to dislike (even hate) ourselves in these moments and believe the past justifies how we (are making ourselves) feel. We’re losers; failures; unworthy; disgraceful and we, somehow, deserve to continue feeling this way.
We need to realize that this is a dreadful mental path to go down. It can be an endless and treacherous journey of the mind, but more importantly (unless, we haven’t learned from our past) it is highly untrue. Many, if not all, major breakthroughs in the world have only come to fruition by means of failure and disappointment; without which we may just still be in the dark ages. It’s time to reap the benefits of our experiences and allow them to teach us a better way. Rather than view them as an enslaving authoritarian over our thoughts and emotions, we must put down the burden of these memories and strive to learn the lesson(s) they have sought to teach us.
Finding ways to be grateful is imperative. Being grateful means to be appreciative of benefits received or to express gratitude. If you are unable to come up with something to be grateful for right away, try harder; it doesn’t have to be anything big. Being grateful for even the smallest of things is important in the process of letting go of this past negativity. The more you attempt to do this, the better you will get at it, and, eventually, you’ll be able to see the larger things to be grateful for that you couldn’t see so clearly before.
If you feel you have, finally, suffered enough (mostly by your own doing) then realize it’s been a powerful learning experience for you and you are now free to forgive yourself and move on. If being unforgiving of others is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, imagine what being unforgiving of yourself is like.
Misery attracts misery, but happiness attracts happiness.
At least, that’s my opinion.
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