I read a book recently by Martin E. P. Seligman, PH.D., titled, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. In this book, Mr. Seligman contends that many people learn how to become helpless due to negative outside forces (i.e. events, people, situations) they have been exposed to in their lives; the sheer number of bad life events they’ve encountered. And, people who are naturally pessimistic are more susceptible to succumb to the grips of helplessness due to their inherent perception of the world.
The Misconception: If you are in a bad situation, you will do whatever you can do to escape it.
The Truth: If you feel like you aren’t in control of your destiny, you will give up and accept whatever situation you are in.
If, over the course of your life, you have experienced crushing defeat or pummeling abuse or loss of control, you learn over time there is no escape, and if escape is offered, you will not act – you become a nihilist who trusts futility above optimism.
When battered women (or men), or hostages, or abused children, or long-time emotional prisoners refuse to escape, they do so because they have accepted the futility of the attempt. Any extended period of negative emotions can lead to a person giving in to despair and accepting their fate. If someone remains alone for a long enough time, they might decide that loneliness is simply a fact of life and pass up opportunities to hang out and spend time with others. The loss of control in any situation will lead to this state.
Studies of the clinically depressed show that when they fail they often just give in to defeat and stop trying. The more optimistic person will look for external forces to blame when they fail at something; it was the fault of someone or something else. Depressed people will blame themselves and tell themselves that they are stupid. Though difficult, some people are better at distancing themselves from unfounded accusations of others, but most are much worse at distancing themselves from the accusations they constantly launch at themselves. They reason that if they think those things about themselves, then they must be true.
The more bad events a person encounters in any given time period has a direct effect on their well-being and even their health. Rats, given the opportunity to escape electric shocks, are half as likely to develop tumors as those who are forced to bear them. Rats already suffering from cancer will die faster if placed into an inescapable shock experiment. Imagine within a six month period that you get fired and are forced to move – the unpleasant strain this places on your marriage ultimately causes a divorce. Statistically, you would be at a greater risk for illness (including heart attack and cancer) going through these clustered, negative events than you would had that same time period been relatively uneventful. That said, if you find yourself going through a series of difficult events and major changes in your life (i.e. changing jobs, ended relationships, retiring, death of a loved one) you should make it a point to have more frequent physical checkups than usual – even if you are feeling fine. These types of events affect one’s psychological state and have the ability to lower the immune system’s activity. Widows and widowers are several times more likely to die within the first six months following the death of their spouse.
A study in 1976 by Langer and Rodin showed in nursing homes where conformity and passivity is encouraged and every whim is attended to, the health and well-being of the patients decline rapidly. If, instead, the people in these homes are given responsibilities and choices, they remain healthy and active. This research was also done in prisons. Sure enough, just letting prisoners move furniture and control the television kept them from developing health problems and staging revolts. In homeless shelters where people can’t pick out their own beds or choose what to eat, the residents are less likely to try and get a job or find an apartment.
Another issue is how today’s society promotes the exaltation of the self. Our economy thrives on the whim of the individual. We are more connected than ever before and yet becoming lonelier by the day; and more depressed. This “individualism” has a propensity to generate pessimism. The growth of the individual means that we feel failure is most likely our own fault; making personal failures seem more disastrous than they actually are. We have all but abandoned the common good for the good of the individual – and depression is on the rise. The “self” is a very poor position from which to derive meaning.
So, every day – your job, the government, your addiction, your depression, your money – you feel like you can’t control the forces affecting your fate. So, you should stage micro revolts. You customize your ringtone, you paint your room, collect stamps…whatever – you do the choosing. Choices, even small ones, can hold back the crushing weight of helplessness. Also, find ways to attach yourself to larger and more meaningful entities (family, church, civic groups and charitable organizations – just to name a few). The sacrifice involved in giving and spending time with others in an effort to enhance the common good will help bring more meaning to your life and reduce pessimism and depression. When you are able to succeed at easy tasks, hard tasks feel possible to accomplish. When you are unable to succeed at small tasks, everything seems harder. You must fight back your behavior and learn to fail with pride. Failing often is the only way to ever get the things you want out of life. Besides death, your destiny is not inescapable.
A few things to remember:
– You cannot control anyone else (even a significant other).
– Being abused (neglected or controlled) is unhealthy and you do not have to put up with it.
– You have the right and freedom to live your life the way you want. You do not need anyone else’s permission.
At least, that’s my opinion.
[If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share on Twitter, Facebook or other media!]
Leave a Reply