(Several of the concepts referred to in this blog entry are derived from lectures and interviews of Jordan B. Peterson, Ph.d)
Do all you can to rule yourself. It is said that it is more difficult to rule yourself than it is to rule a city. There are dreadfully horrible and evil monsters dwelling inside of you that you must bring into submission so that you are able to be a more powerful and useful person in your life. Someone to be trusted and respected, honorable and wise. Some examples of monsters that need taming:
- Food Addiction
- Laziness (procrastination)
- Technology Distractions (cell phone, video games, TV, radio, internet, social media)
- Drugs, Alcohol and Tobacco Addictions
- Sex Addiction (porn, infidelity)
- Unnecessary Worry (past, future, overanalyzing)
- Jealousy
- Anger
A quick word about the past: If a lot of your thoughts are of the past, then you need to find a way to deal with whatever it is that keeps you thinking about the past, because it means something very fundamental about you is stuck there and you’re not freed up to wholly use your mental resources for the present and future which is keeping you from being all that you were created to be.
As you work toward mastering your demons, you should also frequently remind yourself to always aim for the top. If you’re not striving to be the very best you can at something, then you need to ask yourself why you’re doing it in the first place. Doing those things you really don’t care about make you miserable and cause you to complain about your life. In a broader sense, you should aim for who it is you really want to become; but who is that, exactly? Let’s perform a little self-authoring exercise.
If you could have your life the way you want it in three to five years by (and this is important) taking proper care of yourself, what would you want? What would you want from your friendships? What would you want from your intimate relationship? How would you like to structure your family? What do you want for your career or job? How are you going to utilize your time outside of your job? How are you going to regulate your mental and physical health? What about regulating drug and alcohol use (if not controlled properly, they have a tendency to auger people down and destroy them as well as harm their families)?
Develop a vision of what you’d like for your life to be – this vision then becomes your goal.
Now, go back to those same questions, but answer them as honest as possible as to how you think things will be in three to five years if you make no changes and continue on your current path – monsters and all. What will your friendships be like? What will your intimate relationship be like? What will your family-life be like? What will your career or job be like? What will you be doing with your time outside of work? What will your health be like and how will you be taking care of your health, both mentally and physically? Will you be using drugs or alcohol, and, if so, will they be under your control or will you be under their control?
Odds are, this is not the outlook for your life that you really want. This path of life will eventually bring misery and suffering (if it hasn’t already) and should become a source of motivation to help you reach your goal; which is the life you really do want for yourself.
Of course, this requires action, and action means you have to do something (different). Do you ever wonder why you do any of the things you do? You choose to do any number of things you already do because you have somehow determined within yourself that it is worthwhile; whether it actually is or not. But intentionally doing something that you know would be more beneficial to your life and your goals takes deliberate effort and it can be uncomfortable. I mean, doing nothing is easy, but choosing to take a new or different action is hard, and it is necessary if you’re ever going to become the best version of you.
To assist on your journey, you must surround yourself with people who want the best for you, for the best part of you. Hanging out with deadbeats and backstabbers will continually pull you down, because they are spiraling downward themselves at various rates of speed. Even though it is an attractive option to keep them around because it means that you don’t have to take as much responsibility for your situation and you have company to whine about how miserable life is. It’s not a good plan at all and you will never reach your goals if you don’t distance yourself from these types of people and go on about living your life the way that you desire.
Also, set up a schedule for yourself (daily, weekly, monthly, and even annually) and do your best to stick to it so that you live the type of days, weeks, months and years you want – so that you’ll ultimately live out the life that you want. It’s okay to negotiate with yourself just as you would with someone else, only don’t tyrannize yourself; build a responsibility/reward system into your schedule. Whenever you achieve something worthy, grant yourself a bit of time to partake in something you really enjoy. As individuals, we are bad employees of ourselves and worse bosses over ourselves. We do things we tell ourselves not to do and we don’t do things we tell ourselves we should do. This is why a schedule and a plan are important. They help to keep you on track, because, ultimately, you are planning out the life that you’d like to have. Even if you fall short of the things you’ve placed on your schedule, it will be far better than it would be without having a schedule (plan) in place at all.
The clock is ticking. If you make no changes at all because you feel that the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, then in 5 years you’ll be even more miserable…and older to boot. This becomes more relevant the older you are. You might want to change careers so that you can do something more meaningful to you and your life but are afraid to do so. Well, you should be afraid of changing careers, but you should be more afraid of staying where you are if you’re miserable. If you feel that your job is all security and no challenge that is not a good thing for anyone; challenge is what we’re all built for.
It is considered to be a luxury if you’re able to pursue what genuinely makes you happy, but it is a moral obligation to pursue something that you find to be meaningful. As I said, taking a new or different direction is not easy and it might very well require sacrifices. It could possibly take a couple of years to do because you may need to sharpen your skillset, further your education, or work on your social and communication abilities. You should never simply quit without a plan; especially if you already have obligations and responsibilities that you have committed to. These changes can generate some adversity in your life, but adversity can be your friend if you utilize it correctly. Many people have benefitted greatly from first going through some form of adversity. They learned from it and used it to better themselves, their product or their company.
So, read some books, learn to talk better, and learn to think for yourself. Always learn new skills and how to better your existing skillset. Always strive to find a solution to the problem; don’t just complain about the problem. Take opportunities that you may have previously turned down and put yourself in new situations and meet new people; nothing new will ever happen otherwise.
At least, that’s my opinion.
For far more information on the ideas referred to in this blog entry, go to: https://www.selfauthoring.com/
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